The sun is freshly set, and man am I in a funky mood.
This afternoon was seriously pretty awful.
Adeline refused to nap, I spilled raw chicken juice all over myself, I pulled a muscle doing laundry, Gideon threw his fork at me, Philip came home from work early and slept from 2pm-present (8:11), Scarlet pooped on the floor, I went through all the trouble of cooking dinner only to have NO ONE eat, between my two children there was approximately 632 melt downs, and I lost my temper more times than I can count.
That's just the notable mishaps too.
Really it was a rough afternoon.
I sat at the dinner table with my head in my hands crying after Adeline gagged on corn and Gideon pushed his bowl full of food upside down on the floor.
All three of us. Crying.
and all I could think about was how much of a hypocrite I am.
I try to teach my kids to give grace, and I had absolutely not an ounce of it today.
When Gideon knocks over the block tower Adeline freshly finished I ask her to give him grace instead of saying harsh words to him.
When Adeline irritates Gideon by hogging all of the bath toys, I tell oblivious brother to just give some grace.
Grace is just a word we use a lot around here. It's a powerful word with powerful meaning.
Then just this morning I read this on teaching grace to kids.
Such wonderful presentation to young minds for such a huge concept.
So why couldn't I find any of that today?
It's not like my subconscious didn't prompt me to give it out 1,200 times this afternoon.
I find myself getting so upset with people who don't know Christ sometimes, and for what?
Not knowing Him?
and the whole time Jesus is just sitting right there waiting to give that person unfathomable amounts of his pouring out purest of grace.
Even though they don't deserve it.
I'm constantly reminded of how much my heart needs His grace over and over and over again, and thank you Jesus for your forgiveness over and over and over again.
Even though I don't deserve it.
I spooned cold dinner into tupper ware thinking about how a hot fudge sundae might make evening better.
I packed up both of the kids, left Philip sleeping in bed, kenneled the dog, and drove to McDonalds for a $1.39 hot fudge sundae.
my hot fudge sundae.....
hardly had but a tea spoon of hot fudge on it.
The girl working the counter handed it to me, and asked if I wanted napkins with my sundae.
I really really wanted to say, "No, I want hot fudge. How 'bout that with my sundae?"
But you know what?
Homegirl got the only half ounce of grace I handed out today, because I smiled and told her no thank you.
My patience may have been run down, my temper may have been flared up, and my heart may have been extra bitter this afternoon, but my God is faithful and tonight in these completely quiet moments of everyone but me asleep at 8:30 I'm thankful for the grace I'm given and the new starts I'm constantly handed.
I don't deserve it, but He loves me so much he endlessly offers it.
I am so grateful.