Noteable conversations from this weekend are as follows:
Setting: Friday night, LaCasa resturant, Adeline and I on the way to the bathroom, her throwing a fit because I'm taking her instead of Daddy.
Me: Daddy can't take you to bathrooms in restaurants. Girls have to go with girls in the girls' bathroom and boys have to go with boys in the boys' bathroom. So Daddy can only take Gideon in the boys' bathroom, and I can take you in the girls' bathroom.
Adeline: [upon entering the women's restroom and seeing a woman dressed very masculine at the sink.] "Mom this is not the girls' bathroom, this is the boys' bathroom."
Me: [whispering and making no eye contact with anyone] "no this is the girls' bathroom lets go pee pee."
Adeline: [inching towards the door dragging my hand] "you said girls pee pee in the girls bathroom, I want to go to the girls bathroom"
Woman: [sternly approaching my 3 year old]" I AM A GIRL THIS IS THE GIRL'S BATHROOM!"
Me: I yank Adeline into a stall before the conversation continues as the woman dressed in head to toe undoubtedly from clothes in a men's department, who very easily could be mistaken as a male especially by a child, stoops down to her knee behind us.
Woman: obnoxiously chanting "I'M A GIRL I'M A GIRL I'M A GIRL" approximately 6-7 times like a 2 year old before she flings open the door and storms out.
Me: [reviewing the incident in my head while Adeline uses the bathroom].
Adeline: "Whooaaaa Mommy, what's that sound?"
Me: "I don't know, shh."
Adeline: "That sounded like a volcano!!!" [In reference to whomever was in the stall next to us.]
Me: [Super speed wash hands and run to the car in embarrassment.]
Setting: Walmart check out, Saturday afternoon.
Woman waitting behind me to check out: "Phewwww I'm glad my children grown, I ain't never wanna be back with little ones. That time in life has done past and that's good because that was miserable."
Me, Philip, +our 2 kids: Ignored that!
Woman: [awkwardly plays with Gideon's foot to ensure that she doesn't think babies are evil.]
" When you due?"
Woman: [shocked face] "twins?"
Me: "Nope, one."
Philip: [laughing and ready for another public showing of wife goes bizerk on stranger]
Woman: "You're having twins! That big and not due til August? You sure it's not twins?"
Me: "Yes ma'am. I am sure I am not carrying twins, but only one baby."
Woman: "I'd be willing to bet differently, I had twins and they didn't know til 8 months because one was hiding."
Me: [refraining from insulting her by pointing out that was in the 60s-70s when technology was prehistoric.]
Woman: "How much weight you gained?"
Me: "Uhh... I don't know maybe close to 18 lbs right now."
Woman: "Twins!!!! Ain't no way you got just one baby in there."
Me: "Ok ma'am. you're making me upset. I am not carrying twins."
Woman: "You'll see...."
Setting: Couch, Sunday afternoon/ discussing bath salts and the link between all of these cannibalism/ "zombie" attacks from people high off of them.
Philip: "I ain't afraid of no zombies, dats covered by da bloooooooood."