38 week update

I keep waking up pregnant every morning.
It's kind of an issue.

All day yesterday I had contractions back to back to back.
Just like I did last Friday and the Sunday before that. 
Most of them were really strong, take-my-breath-away braxton hicks, but every 6 or so were painful.
I love the painful ones.
and they irregularly came all. day. long.
A few here and there crippling me thinking it was go time.

aaand so I declared that yesterday was going to be birthday, much like I do most days so no one believed me.

Guess they were right because even after dreaming that my water broke last night I woke up ripe and pregnant.

Which is really annoying.
Let me show you what I'm workin' with:

That's 38.5 weeks of swollen, back-achin, heart-burning, ever present hyperemesis-puking torture right there.

Lovely comments about my giganto size just keep rollin' in so I mostly stay home and bounce on my yoga ball, pace around my living room, and eat a lot of pineapple.
You people and your comments no longer phase me, and I no longer have a filter on my sassy mouth, so I'm sorry when I hurt your feelings after you questionably hurt mine.
So I stay home to prevent awkward situations like that. :)

I think for the rest of my life the number one hated phrase for me will be "still at 1cm". I may have heard that phrase oh at least 3 dozen times over these pregnancies/labors.
I was 1cm with Adeline for 5 weeks and then 6 hours into labor after Pitocin when I was overdue.
I was 1cm with Gideon for 4 weeks and then 5 hours into labor after Pitocin at 40 weeks.
and I've been 1cm for 2 weeks with this gal.
My other labors were long and hard having to be induced so I was really hoping to go into labor on my own this time. Especially since I'll be having a natural labor with no medication--say whaaa?

I had epidurals for my other two, for Addie's pregnancy it only worked on the right side of my body, and for Gideon it failed 100% all together.
So.... I'm not going to drug myself or the baby this time if it doesn't even work.
To me compared to pregnancy, labor is a piece of cake.
So I'ma have that all natural n stuff. 
I'm a soldier ya'll. For real, I ain't scared.

I've got some Gungor and other worship songs on my playlist for labor and I'm going to really just pray that I am able to go in without getting induced. Preferably any day now.
Or any second.
Please.
Please.

Now, on a totally non-whiny note:
Last week I wrapped up the summer bible study myself and 5 or 6 friends were going through.
We did Kelly Minter's study on Nehemiah, and I'm so glad God led me to this book in the word, and to the group of ladies I got to study with.
Leading a group was a first for me, but I loved the accountability I had in keeping up with the studying and the learning and homework. 
I learned a lot through this study this summer, and I got to enjoy some of my favorite Godly women over for dinner every week!

Except for last weeks last study I thought I probably scared them away forever.
I'm just going to say that a major over dramatic melt down was had by the phsyco pregnant girl and it involved snot and the ugly cry. You know what I'm talkin about.

My sweet friends were so kind and understanding and even though the more they talked the more I cried, it was more out of embarrassment that once I start I cannot turn it off to save my freaking life.

My friends prayed over me and for me, my pregnancy, my mind, my family, my husband, my kids and I  have never, ever been more humbled and grateful and raw in desperate need for Jesus as I was in that moment. Even though Jesus himself was probably up there wondering where my crazy head was at and why I freak out all of the time. I just don't know, Jesus.

Just kidding.
Nothing's to small for my King.
Not even my unexplainable meltdowns.
Not even when your 3 year old cuts off her hair in a 3 minute time out styling herself botchy mullet.
Yes. It happened.

Anyway, these ladies did one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me this week, and I still can't believe it. They got me a prenatal massage.... like by a masseuse. A professional one.
and. they watched my children and cleaned my house while I went.
Like showed up at my door leaving me no choice but to get in my car and go away. for 2 hours. Wow.
Just one of those things would have been enough to make me cry in overwhelming happiness, but all three? What an amazing blessing.
I mean I had a lady rub even my toes.
and my bathroom is clean.  
It's a big deal.
Thank you friends. Thank you, thank you thank you.
I feel so loved and grateful.

Alright well one last thing I need you to know before I log off indefinitely and do 250 hip swirls in attempt to open up my stubborn cervix. 

I just baked cookies.
Like homemade, from scratch, peanut butter, criss cross with a fork cookies.
I had a craving (which I never, ever have because I kind of hate food when I'm pregnant) yesterday for them and I could not get them out of my mind.
So I ate a spoonful of PB which did not satisfy.

This morning I grabbed my Martha Stewart cookie cook book and Lord have mercy I had all of the ingredients to make some!

But then the consistency wasn't right and the batter was fluffy and whippy and wouldn't settle so I could criss cross a fork on them.

So I was incredibly let down and maybe threw some things into the sink as I tried not to let my children see me cry over whippy cookie dough.

and then.
I baked them anyway.
and when they came out.
I used a fork and criss-crossed that dough.

Which of course made them the best cookies ever.
and I needed you to know that.

Now.
I have to go beg my body to start having contractions.
The painful ones.
Regularly.

Gotta go.