I've been a little down on myself lately.
Not really emotionally, just physically.
My clothes are tight, my hair is always so horrible, and the worst is when I get a glimpse of myself passing by in my dumb ole living room mirror.
I really should do away with that thing.
Anyway, yesterday I had a baby shower to go to. So I stayed frumpy all morning until Adeline's afternoon nap when I went to get ready. I retired my old, outdated, expired lensed, rusty, crooked glasses and put some old contacts in. Then I realized how strange my face looks without my glasses.
So I impulsively cut my bangs.
Then I put way to much make up on.
I wasn't feeling great, infact I was slightly uncomfortable, but I felt like I put in enough effort.
Adeline [my 7.5 month old daughter] was awake from her nap. I could hear her cheerfully babbling about Dadada and ttahh taah ttt.
So I went to pick her up out of her crib and she froze. She looked startled and frightened and a little unsure. She then gave me a sad heartbroken lip quiver [that I hadn't seen in months] and her eyes welled up with tears.
Now usually she is OVERJOYED when I pick her up from her crib. Her normal responses would be: laughing uncontrollably, giggling and kicking her feet as if to giddy up a pony, or hug me like she hugs her turtle before bed.
Not this time.
So I've been assuming she was taken aback by my bangs, no glasses, and heavy make up which at first I thought was a little silly.
Now I choose to believe that my daughter loves me frumpy, and I'm perfectly okay with that.
Yea I'll believe that right now.
Because when I go out in public again I will instantly forget all of that an wish that I'd taken some time to paint my toe nails, or put some mascara on, or hey even change my clothes.
But right now my job is Mommy, and it's not easy.
I'll ride that ride for now.