A Doggie Day Saturday

Today was a different Saturday.

I woke up and agonized at the thought of getting out of bed, which is nothing different at all.

I was happy to know that instead of working Philip was out doing what he loves the most--fishing.
He's been working so hard and so long lately I was happy he was enjoying his time on the water even if it meant another Saturday we don't see him.

I got myself and the kids dressed, walked Scarlet, ate a rushed breakfast and headed out of the door.
I dropped off Gideon at Philip's mom's house for the morning, and Adeline, Scarlet, and I headed to "puppy school".

Scarlet.
[That Labradoodle we got last fall.]
Man.

She's crazy. Like 5 handfuls kind of crazy and I don't even have 2 handfuls to offer her because they're already filled and busy. 
It took her 4 months to house train.
She steals the kids food, toys, and socks.
She jumps on the table..
She will not listen.
She has energy that can outlast every single human in this household (including my 3 year old).
She loves people so much so that when we have company she can literally not control herself and jumps, licks, etc whatever she has to do to maintain their attention.
and that's just the big flaws.
Well, I've tried so hard to train her, work with her, give her extra attention but truth is, it's been hard.
I've got 2 kids and I've been sick and pregnant with another.
Plus.
The worst part....
She isn't Gracie.
I kept feeling guilty because sure Scarlet can be cute sometimes and the kids do love her.
But really I think I expected her to just fill the spot Gracie had around here, and she didn't. She doesn't.
It's not her fault, she's just a happy, spoiled puppy full of energy and love.

I'm not sure if it's the fluctuating hormones or just an overly sensitive heart missing my dog, but I've cried many nights the past few months missing the big black hairy doodle body I'd hug to sleep.
Gracie was such a companion to me, especially when I was sick with my other two pregnancies.
It was really hard not having her next to me during so many sick days and nights this time.

 This is the last photo I took of Gracie a few days before she died.

Is it weird that I miss an animal so much?
Hah, sometimes I don't even think she knew she was an animal.

Anyway, Scarlet was rubbing Philip and my nerves so raw.
We decided to give her a little bit of extra time during the day accompanied with some additional training.

So, with Philip on his fishing trip, Adeline and I took that wild girl to her first day of puppy school.
I think it went really well, as I have already learned so many useful tips.
I am so so so excited I decided to go! I'm relieved that Scarlet's issues are considered normal, and I'm relieved someone has promised me a change. I'm relieved at the chance to welcome her into our family as she slowly earns a valuable place as special as Gracie's was.

We're in a beginners class with a St. Bernard (omg I have a huge doggie crush on that breed and want one badly!), a yellow lab, a yorkie, and a poodle. My heart fluttered straight out of my chest when I saw the couple of St. Bernards. I love a big dog. Scarlet was terrified, but I was in absolute love. It made me miss Gracie so badly. She was only 60lbs, but I loved that I could wrap my warms around her and just hang on her. I seriously kept wanting to just give that big ole St. Bernard (named Gumbo) a big human hug, but I didn't want to creep his owner out.
Okay.
Anyway. Half of that training session I kept thinking of how much Gracie would have loved to be there and how she would have been insanely happy. I regretted not ever doing that with her, and then I felt guilty for doing it for Scarlet.
Yall, am I weird or what?

I've pretty much cried throughout writing this whole post, and I have to stop and say out loud,
its only a dog. She was only a dog.

 and then just saying that makes my heart hurt all over again.
Oh yea, if this makes no sense to you, our first baby (a dog, Labradoodle, Gracie) was killed in October and I'm slightly crazy and had a very difficult time getting over her.
Oh well. I know that to non dog lovers this post is probably laughable.
Surely you actually did laugh at me.

So I'll stop being sappy and over-sentimental now. Philip may come home soon, and he thinks I'm crazy enough without walking (yet again) to me crying about missing my dog during a random time in the middle of the day.

So here's our crazy puppy school student:

She's sporting her new up-sized collar that we bought her today.
(coincidentally green on St. Patrick's day)
((St. Patrick's day hype is silly and overrated, unless you are in fact Irish, if you ask me. I put on a touch of green on me and the kids to protect obnoxious whackos from pinching, and then just go about our business.))
Scarlet is 6 months old now, and Lord have mercy she is finally house broken.
She doesn't do many special things unless you include chasing her tail under the special category.
Adeline and Gideon both find that hysterical by the way, I however don't usually find it hysterical until she's done it for so long she's dizzy and can't walk. Now that's funny.
She weighs around 20lbs, and we don't expect her to get but maybe 15lbs bigger at most. I'm kind of hoping she gets really big though, I love a big dog.
She's really a sweet puppy when she's not acting like a psycho.
:)

I'm Hibernating

This is mostly how I've been feeling lately. 

Tired. Exhausted. Sleepy. Lazy. 

But I can't quite fulfill my sleep because someone's always in my face?

Yea. I've been feeling like that, too Scarlet. 

I mean I'm not bummed or anything. Just really tired! 

and right when I lay down to sneak a nap, UPS knocks on the door inducing a bark attack from the Labradoodle, OR Adeline runs from her room claiming there is an owl in her second dresser drawer, OR Gideon is on nap strike and shouts out "MAMAMA NONONO!" for a half hour straight, OR Scarlet herself has to poop for the 6th time in the day and I can tell she's sneaking off to hide it somewhere so I have to go let her out before we've got hidden poop and a not so hidden smell, OR my cell phone rings because somehow a bunch of telemarketer type people have my cell number, OR I should probably go defrost something for dinner because Philip isn't going to want chicken breast and baked potato for the 5th time this week, OR housework starts calling my name since my dishes could be rotting in the sink and no one has had folded underwear in their dressers for 4 days.

Okay the last part isn't true. 

I do not get up for house work. 

It nags at me, but it usually loses and if all is quiet in my house for nap time my own nap wins over laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning toilets, [capital E.T.C.]!

But ok, somethings up. Because normally for me, packing two 2 and under to go to Target is so worth it, because I mean, it's Target and on most occasions I can't pass up going there! 

and lately..... it's like...... I.... don't................want to.......... go. [Gasp]

My brain says, "Oh you need to go to Target you're nearly out of paper towels and while you're there you can look at new Tupperware and stroll on by  the women's department and grab new pajama pants and a new scarf oh and remember to go see what's on clearance in the back. I wonder if you'll get a gift card for buying two packs of diapers this week? Oh while you're in the baby department remember to get new pacifiers we're dangerously low.... Grab a milk too then you won't have to go to the grocery store tomorrow. Oh I love Target."

But then my body says, "Ehhh you've got to drive all the way there, then unbuckle to kids, bribe one to ride in the buggy, keep the other from eating the buggy, and sing dumb kid songs while you're trying to look like a cool mom instead of a geeky one even though singing twinkle twinkle star louder than Adeline talking does indeed sound geeky, it keeps the nearby shopper from hearing the kid's persistent questions as to why didn't that lady let her mommy brush her hair this morning? Then you've got to check out without anything extra thrown on the dirty conveyer belt, get out of the store past the popcorn that will be begged for, zoom through the flock of birds in the parking lot waiting for the popcorn you didn't get and your kid is crying for, rebuckle both kids, and then drive all the way home.

Phew. 

That's how I've been feeling...

Here lately anyway.

Maybe I'm hibernating?

Yep. I am. Just decided.

So obviously more internet time goes into me with hibernation. I've been on the computer more this week than I have been in a month. I asked Philip if I could buy a new blog design or at least a header, but he said no.
I don't blame him, that would be a silly thing to spend money on. 
So I got creative/cheesy and took a picture of some yarn on my favorite quilt and slapped that puppy up there. Have you noticed?
I haven't decided yet if I love it or if I hate it.
I'm usually not in between.
I also linked up to my Pinterest and Instagram on my side bars.
That made me feel hip and cool.
Not that I needed that validation or anything.

;)

Well the kids are up and playing Lion King, so I'm going to sit on the couch and watch while I decide which chores are vital to completing the day. 

Have a good weekend!

Labradoodle Love

Q: How cute is this puppy?

A: Extremely cute. Approximately 97% cute, actually.

The other 3% of complete uncuteness is when she's pooping under my Christmas tree.

Because apparently that's funny to her or something.

That is all. 

Sleep peacefully, friends. Goodnight <3

Scarlet the Labradoodle

La La La Labradoodle.
I love saying that word.

 Scarlet came home yesterday! She's 8 weeks old and a very popular puppy in the Kebodeaux house.
She's quirky, cute, and already spoiled so she fits right in!

Her being here has been really fun so far, but there's a tender spot in my heart that really just misses my Gracie.
After Gracie died, I kept imagining and missing what it felt like just to run my fingers through her hair [yes, a dog... and yes......... I know I'm a little crazy].  So yea, it's nice to be able to have a little sweety pie to pet and love on when I'm not chasing babies who are now chasing the puppy.

Scarlet loves Gideon.
I think she thinks he's a puppy too, since he crawls and is on her level.

Scarlet fearfully loves Adeline.
and that basically just comes from Adeline overloving her.

Philip is smitten, and is already arguing with me over who Scarlet loves more so far, me or him.

and I'm busy toy dividing, puppy potty training, keeping Adeline from picking her up by the neck, stopping Gideon from opening his mouth so wide while she's kissing all over it, and in between snuggling with that cute little thing!

Through the 4 years of having Gracie, I told everyone I knew not to let your big dog puppy sleep in your bed... for the simple reason that it's all good and cute when they're puppies, but then they get to be full grown and cuddle with your husband in your spot, on your pillow, and you're left to beg for space.
So the plan was for Scarlet not to sleep in our bed....
but guess who slept on my head last night?
Mm hmmm......
and I can't lie to you and tell you I didn't love it!
That's okay, when she's full grown we'll just upgrade Adeline's toddler bed into a full size and she can have a bed mate :)

Goodbye, Gracie.

My heart feels really heavy as I'm beginning to write about a hard subject for me. 

We lost our first baby, Gracie last week. 

She was our beloved Labradoodle. Really she was more of our baby than our dog.

It's really hard to talk about because it's something that brings me a lot of hurt and pain. 

If you're not a dog lover, you may not understand.

and if you are a dog lover, and you don't treat your dog like a real live human baby with a spot in your bed, on your couch, and at your table, you may not understand.

But if you've ever been to my home, seen her pictures on our walls, stroked her 60lb body as she sweetly and excitedly jumped into your lap, then you know how much our family loved her.

I've watched my husband carry her huge hairy body into bed for 4 years, and last week I had to watch him carry her lifeless body to her favorite spot in the yard where we buried her. 

You know, some people say when recalling traumatic events, "I can't remember.. it's all such a blur."

The  night Gracie died is not a blur in my mind. In fact I can recall every single heart wrenching detail, and continues to haunt my thoughts. 

 I keep praying for God to continue to heal our hearts and to dull the awful memories of that terrible night.

I have never cried for so consistently long.

I miss her terribly.

My throat feels constantly swollen from holding back tears when my daughter asks for or refers to her 10 times a day even at a week later.

There are plates on the table after dinner full of left over food just waiting for Gracie to have the go ahead to finish. 

My walk to the  mail box every afternoon during the kids' nap times is so lonely.

There is no eager happy dance when I walk in the door to an empty house anymore. 

There is no huge mass sleeping on my knees when I wake up in the morning. 

I miss my dog. So. bad. 

We had her while we were building this house, and she's been here every moment we've lived in it. 

I guess that's maybe why my house just doesn't even feel like home right now. 

We're doing better and better day by day. 

I cry a little less every day that passes, but I just seem to keep missing her more and more. 

I keep imagining what she'd be doing if she were here right now, and sometimes I even let myself imagining how much I'd hold and hug and love on her if she just walked in the room right this second. 

Philip and I share a lot of funny, sweet, and loving memories with this crazy girl, and she has a tender spot in our hearts that is so aching for her right now. 

Gracie brought so much joy to our young married lives, and although she was only here for 4 years, they were the best four years of my entire life. So for that, I'm thankful.

So things are very different now in our house. 

There's still long black hairs here and there. 

Adeline's toys laying around that Gracie would try to steal from time to time. 

Scatch marks in the front door curtain from her inability to contain her excitement for company. 

All of that will go away over time, 

but Gracie will always be a big goofy, sweet smile in my heart.

Move Gracie

Philip went back to work yesterday. So he'll be away for another 2 weeks.

I hate when he leaves, but right now we're just really thankful he still has a job.

This oil spill is painfully effecting the industry, and there's a lot of anxiety about it right now.

Deep water drilling is shut down, but he's on a rig close to shore for now. If they close off the deep water in the gulf for too long he may be working throughout various states in America or even overseas.

It's such a play by day thing right now, it's hard not to feel insecure and out of control.

God has his hand on us though, and for that we are thankful and so very blessed.

When he's away I truly miss falling asleep in his fragrant arm pits. That sounded gross. No really, you can smell them from across the room. We've been together for 8 years now and ever since I've known him he's had a "stink phobia". My husband takes 2-3 showers a day and wears LAYERS upon LAYERS of deodorant and goes through about a stick a week. He always smells so good!

ANYWAY [kind of all over the place, huh?] where was I?

Oh yea.

I'll really miss falling sleep with him and having him home, but I will love the space I gain in my bed.

You see we made a mistake 2 1/2 years ago.

We got a puppy, [that wasn't the mistake] and we let her sleep in our [queen sized] bed.

It was cute when she was 8 pounds, but now she's 60lbs and she takes up the space of a small human.

I'm talking head on pillow and body under covers.

and she takes MY place.

NOT Philip's-mine.

Then I wake up teeter-tottering the edge of the bed while my Labradoodle sweetly spoons with my husband.

No lie.