A Doggie Day Saturday

Today was a different Saturday.

I woke up and agonized at the thought of getting out of bed, which is nothing different at all.

I was happy to know that instead of working Philip was out doing what he loves the most--fishing.
He's been working so hard and so long lately I was happy he was enjoying his time on the water even if it meant another Saturday we don't see him.

I got myself and the kids dressed, walked Scarlet, ate a rushed breakfast and headed out of the door.
I dropped off Gideon at Philip's mom's house for the morning, and Adeline, Scarlet, and I headed to "puppy school".

Scarlet.
[That Labradoodle we got last fall.]
Man.

She's crazy. Like 5 handfuls kind of crazy and I don't even have 2 handfuls to offer her because they're already filled and busy. 
It took her 4 months to house train.
She steals the kids food, toys, and socks.
She jumps on the table..
She will not listen.
She has energy that can outlast every single human in this household (including my 3 year old).
She loves people so much so that when we have company she can literally not control herself and jumps, licks, etc whatever she has to do to maintain their attention.
and that's just the big flaws.
Well, I've tried so hard to train her, work with her, give her extra attention but truth is, it's been hard.
I've got 2 kids and I've been sick and pregnant with another.
Plus.
The worst part....
She isn't Gracie.
I kept feeling guilty because sure Scarlet can be cute sometimes and the kids do love her.
But really I think I expected her to just fill the spot Gracie had around here, and she didn't. She doesn't.
It's not her fault, she's just a happy, spoiled puppy full of energy and love.

I'm not sure if it's the fluctuating hormones or just an overly sensitive heart missing my dog, but I've cried many nights the past few months missing the big black hairy doodle body I'd hug to sleep.
Gracie was such a companion to me, especially when I was sick with my other two pregnancies.
It was really hard not having her next to me during so many sick days and nights this time.

 This is the last photo I took of Gracie a few days before she died.

Is it weird that I miss an animal so much?
Hah, sometimes I don't even think she knew she was an animal.

Anyway, Scarlet was rubbing Philip and my nerves so raw.
We decided to give her a little bit of extra time during the day accompanied with some additional training.

So, with Philip on his fishing trip, Adeline and I took that wild girl to her first day of puppy school.
I think it went really well, as I have already learned so many useful tips.
I am so so so excited I decided to go! I'm relieved that Scarlet's issues are considered normal, and I'm relieved someone has promised me a change. I'm relieved at the chance to welcome her into our family as she slowly earns a valuable place as special as Gracie's was.

We're in a beginners class with a St. Bernard (omg I have a huge doggie crush on that breed and want one badly!), a yellow lab, a yorkie, and a poodle. My heart fluttered straight out of my chest when I saw the couple of St. Bernards. I love a big dog. Scarlet was terrified, but I was in absolute love. It made me miss Gracie so badly. She was only 60lbs, but I loved that I could wrap my warms around her and just hang on her. I seriously kept wanting to just give that big ole St. Bernard (named Gumbo) a big human hug, but I didn't want to creep his owner out.
Okay.
Anyway. Half of that training session I kept thinking of how much Gracie would have loved to be there and how she would have been insanely happy. I regretted not ever doing that with her, and then I felt guilty for doing it for Scarlet.
Yall, am I weird or what?

I've pretty much cried throughout writing this whole post, and I have to stop and say out loud,
its only a dog. She was only a dog.

 and then just saying that makes my heart hurt all over again.
Oh yea, if this makes no sense to you, our first baby (a dog, Labradoodle, Gracie) was killed in October and I'm slightly crazy and had a very difficult time getting over her.
Oh well. I know that to non dog lovers this post is probably laughable.
Surely you actually did laugh at me.

So I'll stop being sappy and over-sentimental now. Philip may come home soon, and he thinks I'm crazy enough without walking (yet again) to me crying about missing my dog during a random time in the middle of the day.

So here's our crazy puppy school student:

She's sporting her new up-sized collar that we bought her today.
(coincidentally green on St. Patrick's day)
((St. Patrick's day hype is silly and overrated, unless you are in fact Irish, if you ask me. I put on a touch of green on me and the kids to protect obnoxious whackos from pinching, and then just go about our business.))
Scarlet is 6 months old now, and Lord have mercy she is finally house broken.
She doesn't do many special things unless you include chasing her tail under the special category.
Adeline and Gideon both find that hysterical by the way, I however don't usually find it hysterical until she's done it for so long she's dizzy and can't walk. Now that's funny.
She weighs around 20lbs, and we don't expect her to get but maybe 15lbs bigger at most. I'm kind of hoping she gets really big though, I love a big dog.
She's really a sweet puppy when she's not acting like a psycho.
:)

Goodbye, Gracie.

My heart feels really heavy as I'm beginning to write about a hard subject for me. 

We lost our first baby, Gracie last week. 

She was our beloved Labradoodle. Really she was more of our baby than our dog.

It's really hard to talk about because it's something that brings me a lot of hurt and pain. 

If you're not a dog lover, you may not understand.

and if you are a dog lover, and you don't treat your dog like a real live human baby with a spot in your bed, on your couch, and at your table, you may not understand.

But if you've ever been to my home, seen her pictures on our walls, stroked her 60lb body as she sweetly and excitedly jumped into your lap, then you know how much our family loved her.

I've watched my husband carry her huge hairy body into bed for 4 years, and last week I had to watch him carry her lifeless body to her favorite spot in the yard where we buried her. 

You know, some people say when recalling traumatic events, "I can't remember.. it's all such a blur."

The  night Gracie died is not a blur in my mind. In fact I can recall every single heart wrenching detail, and continues to haunt my thoughts. 

 I keep praying for God to continue to heal our hearts and to dull the awful memories of that terrible night.

I have never cried for so consistently long.

I miss her terribly.

My throat feels constantly swollen from holding back tears when my daughter asks for or refers to her 10 times a day even at a week later.

There are plates on the table after dinner full of left over food just waiting for Gracie to have the go ahead to finish. 

My walk to the  mail box every afternoon during the kids' nap times is so lonely.

There is no eager happy dance when I walk in the door to an empty house anymore. 

There is no huge mass sleeping on my knees when I wake up in the morning. 

I miss my dog. So. bad. 

We had her while we were building this house, and she's been here every moment we've lived in it. 

I guess that's maybe why my house just doesn't even feel like home right now. 

We're doing better and better day by day. 

I cry a little less every day that passes, but I just seem to keep missing her more and more. 

I keep imagining what she'd be doing if she were here right now, and sometimes I even let myself imagining how much I'd hold and hug and love on her if she just walked in the room right this second. 

Philip and I share a lot of funny, sweet, and loving memories with this crazy girl, and she has a tender spot in our hearts that is so aching for her right now. 

Gracie brought so much joy to our young married lives, and although she was only here for 4 years, they were the best four years of my entire life. So for that, I'm thankful.

So things are very different now in our house. 

There's still long black hairs here and there. 

Adeline's toys laying around that Gracie would try to steal from time to time. 

Scatch marks in the front door curtain from her inability to contain her excitement for company. 

All of that will go away over time, 

but Gracie will always be a big goofy, sweet smile in my heart.

Lazy Day

I had another rough night Sunday night.

[You know the kind you have at over 9months pregnant.]

...and everyone knows the momma sets the tone in the house for the day, and yesterday [Monday]

Well after being awake for most of the night the only tone I was wanting to set was an unpleasant one sounding like me snoring and whimpering in my attempts to find a spot in the bed to get some sort of sleep in.

So I claimed a corner of the queen-sized comforter, stuck my body pillow in between my legs, and cuddled in bed [pretty much all day] with these guys:

My favorite man, my favorite little girl, my favorite Labradoodle, and my favorite fetus [who feels like he could rip his way out of my stomach at any second] in the whole wide world.

It was a nice, lazy day aside from not being able to eat or sleep. I suppose if you have to spend a day sick in bed it's at its best when you've got these guys hogging the pillow space. 

:)

Move Gracie

Philip went back to work yesterday. So he'll be away for another 2 weeks.

I hate when he leaves, but right now we're just really thankful he still has a job.

This oil spill is painfully effecting the industry, and there's a lot of anxiety about it right now.

Deep water drilling is shut down, but he's on a rig close to shore for now. If they close off the deep water in the gulf for too long he may be working throughout various states in America or even overseas.

It's such a play by day thing right now, it's hard not to feel insecure and out of control.

God has his hand on us though, and for that we are thankful and so very blessed.

When he's away I truly miss falling asleep in his fragrant arm pits. That sounded gross. No really, you can smell them from across the room. We've been together for 8 years now and ever since I've known him he's had a "stink phobia". My husband takes 2-3 showers a day and wears LAYERS upon LAYERS of deodorant and goes through about a stick a week. He always smells so good!

ANYWAY [kind of all over the place, huh?] where was I?

Oh yea.

I'll really miss falling sleep with him and having him home, but I will love the space I gain in my bed.

You see we made a mistake 2 1/2 years ago.

We got a puppy, [that wasn't the mistake] and we let her sleep in our [queen sized] bed.

It was cute when she was 8 pounds, but now she's 60lbs and she takes up the space of a small human.

I'm talking head on pillow and body under covers.

and she takes MY place.

NOT Philip's-mine.

Then I wake up teeter-tottering the edge of the bed while my Labradoodle sweetly spoons with my husband.

No lie.

People, let me tell you 'bout my best friend.

Gracie was our first baby.

You know the furbaby.

It's just what you do when you're newlywed and you want a baby, but have to take the baby steps of getting a dog and treating it like a baby and THEN feel prepared for a real baby.

Okay so some of you may be able to relate, some of you may not. 

But yea, Gracie was here first.

and when we said 

"Gracie, wanna go bye bye."

That Labradoodle beat you to the car.

Now ever since Adeline has been old enough to learn "bye bye"

We head out the door and usually tell Gracie "bye bye"

which of course to her has to be some cruel joke or declaration that we love our baby more then her since she isn't coming along--but you know you can't take a 60lb Labradoodle everywhere.

So today I decided we could all go "byebye"

hand claps and tail wags extreme!!!!!!!!

My hairy baby was especccialllllllly excited. It's not every day she gets to go, ya know.

Where did we go, you might [ormightnot] be wondering?

Dairy Queen-duh.

It was 77 degrees outside.

That = warm

Warm + a Sunday afternoon = ice cream for Adeline and Gracie and a big ol Fountain Diet Coke for me.

Becauseweallknowafountaindietcokeismyfavfavsuperfavever.

Gracie and Adeline split a vanilla cone. Although Adeline didn't seem to think it was fair that Gracie got the top in a cup and she had the bottom in the cone. 

So while they fought over an empty cup and carton I sat back and sipped some carbonated goodness:

Because Fountain Diet Coke is number one on my list. 

Play a little ball.

Discover that brishing your hair with a BBQ pit cleaning brush is a bad idea....

and we have another fine Sunday evening complete with Bybye, icecream, and outside.